[Photo Source: http://www.msdelaleu.com

Rule of thumb, never assume that you all are in an exclusive relationship. At some point, the conversation of being exclusive needs to happen, regardless of who brings it up. Imagine dating a someone for 6 months, things are great, but you both have never agreed upon being exclusive. You then find out that they have been dating others as well, and now you want to feel as though they have cheated on you. In my opinion, technically they didn’t cheat because you both never said you were dating each other exclusively. Now that’s not to say there may have been some misleading behavior that may make it seem as though you’re exclusive but again, you can’t ASSUME.

Establishing the terms of your relationship should definitely happen sooner than later. Most of us reading this are probably good and grown, in other words, we’ve been through enough to realize we’re not in preschool so games are not necessary. A relationship should be all about growing with a person so if that’s not something that both parties are interested in, then that should be established and made known. Sometimes we may go out a few times with someone that we would like to potentially blossom into a relationship with but later realize, for whatever reason, that it’s best you two remain friends. And that’s ok. But there’s no need to “pretend” that everything is good because that can be misleading. Definitely let the other person know. Same with if you’re interested in engaging in an exclusive relationship. Communication is key so both people should sit down and have the conversation so that it’s clear.

Again, a relationship is all about growing together. If a relationship is something you’re interested in, then go for it! Just because you’re agreeing to date each other exclusively, doesn’t mean you’re not signing yourself over for marriage the next day.  Have a woo-saa moment with yourself! You are simply agreeing that hey, I’ve found something good so I’m going to focus all of my attention on them and our relationship and see how we can grow together.

When you have found someone good, don’t go looking for someone better.

OK, so when do you think the “Are we exclusive” talk should happen? Take the poll below

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What lady doesn’t want an intense orgasm?!?! *crickets* EXACTLY, I figured no one would argue with me. Simply strengthening your pelvic floor, also known as the PC muscles, will increase your chances of having an orgasm that will shoot through the roof! Check out these 6 easy ways to strengthen your pelvic floor, some you’re probably doing on a daily basis, without even realizing you’re help your PC muscles. [Courtesy of Cosmo]

1. While having sex. ~ Think of your guy’s penis as a personal kegel trainer. During sex, your pelvic muscles automatically contract when you have an orgasm.
2. Coughing/Sneezing ~ Being hit by the allergy bug may not be all that bad after all. Every time you cough or sneeze, you’re exercising your pelvic muscles!
3. Laughter ~ They say laughter is good for the soul. Well it’s also good for the pelvic muscles because laughing naturally engages your PC muscles.
4. Squeezing Into Those Tight Jeans ~ Ladies, we’ve all been there. That favorite pair of jeans we have to suck in for dear life just to get them to zip up. Welp, each and every time you do the suck in and zip method, you’re also engaging your PC muscles!
5. Yoga/Pilates ~ The pelvic floor is an integral part of the core muscle group, which is exactly what you’re targeting during yoga or pilates.
6. Working Out – Not only will hitting the gym enhance your outer appearance, but it will help your vajayjay as well. Low-impact activity—from spinning to the elliptical to weight-lifting—activates your kegels and boosts blood flow to your lady parts!

For even more strengthening, try one of Pure Romance’s kegel exercisers! Always remember, vaginal health is EXTREMELY important! View all of Pure Romance’s Vaginal Health items HERE.

Let go of the fairytale if he’s not trying to be Prince Charming! – Nique

We’ve all been there at some point, holding on to the idea of having a fairytale with a man that it will just never happen with. In the back of our minds, we know, but just don’t want to admit it to ourselves. Well here are some obvious signs that the guy you are pursing just isn’t that into you.

1. He NEVER has time for YOU. The reality is, if you are really interested in someone, you WILL MAKE time for them, point blank period. We all have demanding lives toggling jobs, school, family, and personal lives. But in order to have a relationship, spending time with your significant other is vital. If he always has an excuse as to why he can’t see you, then chances are, he’s not that into you.
2. He choses the fellas over you. Piggybacking off of #1. If he always has an excuse as to why he can’t spend time with you, but he can manage to spend time with the fellas, then chances are, he’s not that into you. People will make time for what/who they want to make time for. Clearly, you’re not the one he wants to make time for.
3. He doesn’t want to have sex with you. Let’s face it, MEN NEED SEX. If you are in a relationship with a guy and unless you both are vowing to be celibate or something, then a man needs sex. According to Dr. Juli Slattery, just as your body tells you when you’re hungry, thirsty, or tired, a man’s body tells him when he needs a sexual release. Immediately after sexual release, men are physically satisfied. A woman’s sexual desire is far more connected to emotions than her man’s sex drive is. A man can experience sexual arousal apart from any emotional attachment. He can look at a naked woman and feel intense physical desire for her, while at the same time he may be completely devoted to and in love with his woman. I know ladies, sounds crazy but unfortunately, this is TRUE. If your man never wants to have sex with you, chances are, he’s getting it from somewhere else. And always remember, withholding sex from your man because you’re MAD at him is NOT a good thing (I can get into that on another post though so let me quit rambling and get back to the topic at hand ).
4. He only comes around for sex. So after reading number 3, you feel all is good because at least he wants to have sex with you. However, don’t get too antsy. If the only thing you guys ever do is engage in sex, then chances are, he’s not that into you. He’s only attracted to you for his sexual desire and that’s not a good thing. Outside of sex, you both should have an emotional connection and be able to entertain each other in more ways than just sexual. Always remember, mental stimulation is far more valuable than physical stimulation.
5. He doesn’t claim you.  A man should be proud to claim you as his woman/girlfriend/lady. If he constantly refer to you as his friend, then chances are he only sees you as that, a friend. If the both of you are looking for a relationship, there’s no need to keep each other in the “friend zone”. A relationship is all about growing together. If he sees as you nothing more than a friend, then don’t give him benefits you would give your man. Otherwise, you’re engaging in a “FWB” relationship and of course, it can be dangerous. [Friends With Benefits Do's & Don'ts]
6. You rarely hear from him. Once communication begins to feel one sided, as in you’re the only one reaching out to contact him, and when you do make contact, he always has to “call you back” then chances are, he’s not that in to you. Referring back to #1, if he is really interested, he will make time to talk to you. COMMUNICATION IS KEY in any relationship.

Of course, there can be more factors to consider when determining if a guy is really interested but these 6 should be things to be aware of.

Find Nique on Twitter: @IAmSimplyNique & @NbtwnTheSheetz

Find Shad on Twitter: @ShadSmall

Find me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/IAmSimplyNique

Want tips on spicing things up in your bedroom? Have a dilemma in your relationship?? Want to ask a question you wouldn’t dare ask your mama & daddy?? Get unbiased advice by asking Pandora’s Box. Send an email directly to:nbtwnthesheetz@gmail.com (If you would like to remain anonymous, please be sure to specify it in your email).
DISCLAIMER: All responses given via email and/or on N’Btwn The Sheetz are solely the opinion of the writers of N’Btwn The Sheetz. Please do not contact N’Btwn The Sheetz if you are seeking professional assistance.

Some may say they prefer to be the other woman because the man supports them financially, or because they like the freedom of not being in an actual commitment, or because they have the flexibility to see the other man whenever they choose. But for whatever reason, no woman should ever be content with calling themselves the “other” woman. You are only making yourself an OPTION to that man. Nine times out of 10, you’re probably not his only “OTHER” woman and won’t be his last either.

An old saying that I definitely live by is “The way you got him, will be the way you lose him”. In other words, if you were his “other” woman while he was in a relationship, rest assured if you get into a relationship with him, it is highly likely that you will lose him to his next “other” woman. Now, some people may argue that well, just because a man cheats doesn’t mean he will always cheat, which I agree. However, I do believe in KARMA and she is definitely a B!TCH.

Now there are cases when we as women are the “OTHER” woman and are completely unaware of it. I’ll save that for another post but I am referring to the women who KNOW and BOAST about being the side chick. Not only is is demoralizing, but it’s disrespectful. No matter how you try to justify it, it’s plain out wrong! KNOW YOUR WORTH and don’t just settle because he’s willing to show you attention. Learn to love yourself first and the rest will fall into place. Even though at times it doesn’t seem like it, there are plenty of good men that will show you that same attention, and you won’t have to share his time with another woman. If you are content with being his “other” woman or is “option”, then that is exactly what you will be. If you want more, you have to ACT LIKE IT.

Nique

Find me on Twitter: @IAmSimplyNique & @NbtwnTheSheetz

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Photo Source: http://www.marriedtoacop.com

OK, if you’re thinking I made this up, I didn’t. May 6 – May 12th has been deemed as National Clitoris Awareness Week, a seven-day period designed to celebrate the female body part who’s only purpose is to be PLEASED! “Clitoraid“, a Las Vegas based group that normally devotes their time to helping victims of female genital mutilation around the world, felt by making an ‘awareness day/week’ for the clitoris, it would make women more comfortable talking about the body part.

Click HERE for more about Clitoris Awareness Week.

So ladies, get your favorite clitoral toy, or your man that knows exactly what to do, and let’s celebrate all week!

REMEMBER, the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm – penetration just isn’t always enough on its own. Sounds like a good enough reason to makes its acquaintance, doesn’t it?

Visit my Pure Romance site for a variety of clitoral vibrators and enhancement creams. If you would like to place an order, contact me for a special if you order during National Clitoris Awareness Week!

Need more information about the clitoris ~> Read “What Science Tells Us About the Clitoris: It’s All Custom Under the Hood”

For years, men have always been considered sex crazed animals that want to have sex like they need oxygen. But is there a such thing as a man that doesn’t have a sex drive or a very low one? Absolutely! In fact, it’s actually more common than you think. I know I’ve been MIA from the blog for the past few weeks but I’ve managed to get some reading in from time to time about this topic.

One thing is for certain, women are becoming more and more sexually empowered than they were 20-25 years ago. In most relationships, the female has become the aggressor when it comes to getting Nbtwnthesheetz. I’ve asked several men and they find a sexually aggressive woman as a huge turn on but what about the men that can’t seem to SALUTE or even get in the mood? As women, being as emotional as we are, having our sexual advances turned down by our mate can leave us questioning whether or not he’s still attracted to us, or turned on but there can be several factors for our man’s lack of libido.

One in particular is masturbation. For some men, masturbation is their go-to activity when they feel the urge to have sexual pleasure but according to Dr. Ian Lerner, PhD (Author of She Comes First) excessive masturbation will tax a man’s libido and may prevent him from having a lot of mojo left for his partner. Makes a lot of sense to me.

In addition, the beginning stages of a relationship is usually filled with tons of mind blowing sex but as the relationship progresses, that drive may begin to fizzle out. That’s because testosterone is always higher in the beginning of a relationship for both men & women. Unfortunately, that’s reality but it should be important to keep some kind of sexual energy involved. Communicating your wants and needs to your man/woman is a must in order to come to some type of agreement pertaining to sex.

A mis-matched sex drive doesn’t necessarily have to be a deal breaker in a relationship, but a common ground should definitely be discussed and both parties should commit to it. The goal of both people involved in a relationship should be to satisfy their partner. If your sex drive is shooting through the roof and your partner seems to be sitting in neutral somewhere, definitely find a way to address the issue but don’t totally place all the blame on them. The last thing you want is for them to become defensive and feel like you’re DEMANDING a change.

Source: Tumblr – BlackErotica

As usual, I was perusing the internet and ran across a very interesting article on Esquire about ways to have a better sex life, according to science. Like I always say, sex isn’t everything but it is an EXTREMELY important part of a relationship. Making a few simple gestures and adjustments in your sex life can help to keep that fire burning. According to science, several doctors have pointed out a few things to do that can result in a better sex life.

1. Tell Her She Looks (And Tastes) Great: It’s been proven that women who feel confident about the appearance of their genitals are more open to different kinds of sexual activity, and are more likely to orgasm because they feel relaxed… When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusiastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Don’t treat it like a chore. —Debra Lynne Herbenick, Ph.D., Indiana University, Kinsey Institute
   
2. Use Your Ears: The only difference between a gigolo and a regular guy is that a gigolo listens to what a woman wants in bed. So, ask. I would also advise that you to ask her while not in the bedroom — raise the discussion while out walking or doing some other casual yet intimate thing together. —Dr. Helen Fisher, Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University
3. Touch Her Everywhere (With Oil): Sensual touching releases a powerful sex hormone called oxytocin, which increases a woman’s testosterone levels and ignites her sex drive. The seductive silky feel of oil being rubbed on skin is a turn-on for more passionate sex — for both of you. —Carol Cassell, Ph.D, former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region
4. Bring The Kitchen Into The Bedroom: Arginine is the basis for Viagra, so men should stick with foods high in it — such as oysters, fish, and other lean proteins. Everything that’s good for you above the waist is good for you below the waist as well: greens and beans; high protein/low-fat foods; and brightly colored fruits and vegetables, high in antioxidants. The Standard American Diet is … a detriment to performance. —Lynn Edlen-Nezin, Ph.D, co-author of Great Food, Great Sex
5. Take Your Time Understanding: There is a degree of manipulation when it comes to the amount of neurotransmitter released… Looking at a nude picture will trigger a quick and strong release of dopamine and possibly oxytocin, but it fades quickly… Let her work for it a little; she’ll enjoy the prolonged neurological orgasm more. —Andrea Kuszewski, Behavior Therapist and Consultant, Boston, Massachusetts
6. Take A Shower: There’s no proven human pheromone to make you irresistible… So, until one is found, wash well — you can have too much of a good thing. (But why not leave a worn T-shirt at her house? It will keep you always in her mind.) —Dr. Tristram Wyatt, Department of Zoology, University of Oxford
7. Create A Mood – Turn The Lights Down: For women to get aroused, parts of their brains associated with stress and anxiety need to de-activate, according to neurological studies in the Netherlands. If women aren’t relaxed, they’re not going to enjoy sex. So dim the lights and share a fantasy. A Harvard study found that when you hug a woman longer than thirty seconds, it increases her oxytocin levels and anticipation of sex. —Ian Kerner, Ph.D, FAACS, author of She Comes First: the Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
8. Reverse Cowgirl Position: Find out what position of intercourse is most stimulating to her — it’s usually woman on top, facing away, also known as the reverse cowgirl. The angle of the penis through the anterior/front wall of the vagina stimulates the area of the G-spot.—Beverly Whipple, Ph.D, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University and co-author of The Science of Orgasm
9. Don’t Worry So Much – Intercourse Isn’t Everything: If you’re thinking, ‘I hope it works! I hope it works!’ it’s not going to work. Take penetrative sex off the table for a month — do everything but that. Avoid making intercourse the be-all/end all. In most cases, once men stop worrying about it, it starts working. You can definitely stress yourself out of a boner.—Emily Wentzell, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, University of Iowa
10. Get Her Pregnant (On Purpose:***APPROACH THIS ONE WITH CAUTION***If you’re trying to impregnate your wife or girlfriend, stop thrusting immediately after ejaculating. The shape of your penis… was designed by natural selection to work as a retraction device, removing competing males’ sperm from your female partner’s vaginal tract. So if you keep going at it after you’ve achieved orgasm, you’re basically disadvantaging your own reproductive success.”—Jesse Bering, Ph.D, director, Institute of Cognition and Culture, Queen’s University, Belfast
    

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“Squirting” or “gushing” has to be one of the most debatable topics when it comes to female orgasms. Is it urine? Can all women do it? Is it considered female ejaculation? How can I make myself do it? Is that really happening? The list can go on and one with questions that may arise when discussing squirters. For those of you that may not know what squirting is, Google it and I can guarantee you will get results out the wazoo.

For starters, no it is NOT urine. Now some people my urinate and say ooooohhh, I just squirted but when you really squirt, it is NOT supposed to be urine. Dr. Laura Berman described it as a PSA and I’m not talking about a public service announcement. PSA as in a prostate stimulating antigen. Fact of the matter is that some women ejaculate after their orgasm and it goes back inside the bladder and others ejaculate and it produces the outcome of squirting.  Here’s a very interesting video that gives a little more insight into squirting:

Many men, are extremely turned on by the act of squirting, possibly because it makes them feel as though their job of sexually satisfying their partner has been completed. If you’ve never squirted, no need to worry or feel that you haven’t been satisfied. Truth of the matter is that in my opinion, all women may not be able to achieve a squirting orgasm.

I once ran across a YouTube video of 2 Sexologists claiming that drinking plenty of water can increase the chances of having a squirting orgasm but I’m sure that theory hasn’t been proven 100% accurate. Of course, our male expert on NBTS is Shad and here’s his take on the squirting orgasm and why he loves it.

I’ve had 3 squirters in my life. The 1st I made squirt it was nothing consistent, the 2nd was a facial as I was going down, and the 3rd was a pleasant surprise for me because she seemed so innocent and that also landed in my mouth.

I can’t speak for all guys but I get a personal thrill out of squirters because in some cases a woman can climax but you don’t feel the actual push. In the case of a squirter its nothing like the feeling. For a man that feeling can be addictive and if their mind is anything like mine they will appreciate it and it makes you work even harder to make that woman cum.

Once again I can’t speak for all but my POV on it is that I love it. I also love gushers but that’s more of a visual thing.

Shad

Now you all know the drill, take the poll and leave your 2cents in the comments regarding this topic!

Nique

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For starters, shame on me for taking over a month (literally) to actually get my thoughts together and finish this blog. On a positive note, I’ve sat back and analyzed plenty and have a lot to dish out.

So I’ve been perusing the internet and Facebook groups and it just baffles me the number of couples, especially MARRIED couples that are NOT having sex. Now of course, sex shouldn’t be everything in a relationship but in my opinion, it does make up A LOT of a relationship. Intimacy alone should be present within every relationship, no matter what, and that seems to be lacking as well.

Let’s first start with the definition of intimacy. Intimacy can be defined as a state of being lovingly close; Affectionate act or expression of familiarity or love; Sexual intercourse.

Many people confuse intimacy as only having sex which is totally not the case. That has to be the furthest thing from the truth. Yes, having sex is a form of intimacy but it isn’t the only way to be intimate with your mate. A simple affectionate act such as a passionate kiss or a warm embrace with your mate is considered being intimate. Pair that with a candlelight dinner or a stroll in the park and you’re right on the money!  Now of course, when done right 9 times out of 10, those things just might lead to a “happy ending” , which should just be icing on the cake.

Now, I’m focusing more on the married couples, simply because, why wouldn’t you not want to be intimate with your husband/wife? Of course, there are health/medical reason that may prevent you from engaging in sexual intercourse but if you are both physically able to, then why not? Before some of you married couples want to jump down my throat, YES I was once married before and I do understand the responsibility that comes along with maintaining a marriage and having sex may be at the bottom of your to-do. But in my opinion, it shouldn’t be. It should be as big of a priority as anything else. (Feel free to disagree with me if you’d like )

Perhaps, you want to find ways to bring intimacy back into your relationship or possibly keep the spark going. Here’s a couple of tips for you.

1.       Communication is key. If you’re feeling there’s a lack of intimacy in your relationship, definitely communicate that with your mate.
2.       Set aside date nights. No children or double dating. Just you and your man/woman. Have an intimate dinner at a nice restaurant and just soak in each other’s company and enjoy spending that quality, intimate time together. Maybe even a nice venue with a live jazz band.
3.       Go the classic route. Rose petals, candlelit dinner at home, dim lights, soft & sensual music playing in the background. Can never go wrong with this one.
4.       Sensual massages. Massages are one of the most intimate acts (in my opinion) for a couple to share. Yes, going to a massage parlor is great, but you and your mate should transform into a masseuse and become each other’s clients for the evening. Do I have to mention, the “happy ending” special
5.       Spice up your sex life. Let’s face it, sex can feel like a routine when it’s the same old thing every time. Don’t be afraid to introduce new things into your sex life. Both of your main goals should be to please each other so do it!  As a Pure Romance consultant, I can’t complete this blog without advising you to check out our fabulous bedroom enhancement products . http://www.moniquethompson.pureromance.com  Thank me later *wink*
6.       Making time is key. Most importantly, you HAVE to make time for your mate. Again, there are many things/responsibilities (good and bad) that can come along with being married but two is better than one. You both should be a TEAM. If all of the responsibility is placed on one person, then yes, it’s obvious for them to feel drained by the end of the day and not want to have sex . But, that’s when team work is extremely valuable. No matter what, you should both make time for each other, even if it just when the kiddos fall asleep. Make the most of those moments that you and your mate can have alone and show how much you love, adore, and appreciate them.  And remember a “happy ending” is only icing on the cake

Nique

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